I love the self-help – excuse me the PERSONAL GROWTH – section at Barnes & Noble more than I should. The idea that my problems can be divided into chapters and fixed over the course of 26 steps is vastly appealing, absurd as it may be.

It’s not that there’s something bad in believing your situation can be conquered, it’s the tired way in which these ideas are marketed.

The conclusion is always “I made it! And so can you!”

“I finished and now I never have to [Fill In The Blank] – date! exercise! diet! succeed! again EVER.”

Things Are In Between. No One Wants To Hear This.

Zero Copies Sold.

The Mundane Necessity Of Cleaning Your Apartment At Least Once On A Weekend, Sometimes.

Look At All The Things I Am Doing To Manage Biology’s Decision.

The Really Fucking Tedious Process Of Dealing With A Not-Terminal Illness Every Single Day.

My experience is not I Battled, Then Won. It’s I Reluctantly Stopped Drinking And Eating Pizza & Frankly That Still Doesn’t Help Me Feel Amazing All The Time.

It’s I’ll Do All The Things I Said I’ll Do Today, Just As Soon As This Nausea Subsides. Nope, Actually I Won’t.

If you’re a literary agent reading this, call me. I know my mom will buy at least two copies of all aforementioned titles.